I've recently come to a place of new contentedness. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I have been struggling within myself to lay aside the desires I have in my heart, and let God have those things. I've been in a place of "carrying on" for awhile - just existing and doing the things I have to, and being very tired - for a very long time. So I felt a change was needed. I decided to start getting up early when school started back for me two weeks ago to get in some exercise. I knew if I wanted change, I had to take the first step. Now, in order for you to understand the significance of this decision, you have to understand that I HATE getting up early! I need a full eight hours of sleep to feel decent, and more than that to feel good! So, getting up at 5A.M. to get even 20 minutes of exercise is HUGE for me. I would daresay it is a miracle from God that I would WANT to get up that early! I've been faithful for two weeks now, and I would not say that I have a ton more energy, but that I feel more purposeful in the morning. It MAKES me have quiet time with the Lord, and in those times, I've realized that I don't have to have all of the things I thought I "needed" to change in order to be content. Really, nothing had to change except my heart attitude.
Being content comes out of my reaction to my present situation, as well as trusting God to take care of the dreams I've entrusted Him with. So, I'm trusting...again learning to be content in an ever changing season...believing that my heart's desires aren't forgotten. For now, I am blooming where I've been planted - giving my all to the tasks and people God has placed in my world for now. Even if life never seems optimal for what I originally envisioned, I know that God's plan is still exactly His best for me. My dreams don't have to be put on hold for my agenda to line up...I just need to step out in faith!
My recent journey has brought me back to what has become my life scripture; Philippians 4:12-13. It says, "I know what is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength." My whole life so far has been an intensive study in becoming content in any and every situation. Just when I think I have it...we have another lesson, harder than the last! I have decided that living a life content leads to a fullness that I could never have imagined.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
A Nagging Feeling
Lately, I've been having this nagging feeling that something is about to happen. Not knowing whether it will be something I'll like, but likely something that will stretch me out of what I'm comfortable with...AGAIN. I'm actually here writing because of that feeling-the feeling that I need to do something.
I've recently found myself in a place where God has drawn me close, whispered profound sentiments, and then caused me to wrestle with His truth and His grace. I heard a wise man recently say, "Grace is power released through humility." I never thought of grace as something that was difficult to accept; on the contrary, I have always desired to walk in God's grace...much better than judgement, as far as I'm concerned. In order to receive this precious grace, I've been on a journey of relinquishing my control and pride in a truly humbling experience.
So often, I set lofty expectations for myself, that no one can humanly fulfill, and am completely let down when I don't achieve my goals. In a sweet moment, God reminded me that he expects nothing from me, except to love him. I have always wanted more- from life, from God, from my relationships- and I am slowly realizing that if I want a rich life, I have to lay down all of my expectations and receive grace. I know full well that I am not all that I was intended to be, but I am willing to make myself nothing that I might receive the grace I so desperately need.
In this season of laying aside everything that I know and am so comfortable with, I am daily finding my security in the arms of the One who asked for it all. If something radical is going to happen, a great leap has to take place. My great leap in this journey is opening myself up for all too see my blaring inadequacies, and allow Christ to be all that I am not. I know that the desires I am laying down for a season won't be left empty and unfulfilled. Faith simply requires that those things be laid down, so that God can do His work in this season. Relinquishing control is not simple for me, though! This is my daily struggle-to trust that the Creator of everything thinks enough of the dreams in my heart to fulfill them in His season. I have come to realize that great dissatisfaction comes from dreams unfulfilled. Walking in grace daily, I'm laying aside dissatisfaction, so I can be free to let God do what he wants for my life.
Throughout this journey, I'm going to be faithful to do the last thing God told me to do...write it all down and share it with whoever wants to read it. So, this is my story...follow it as I journey through grace.
I've recently found myself in a place where God has drawn me close, whispered profound sentiments, and then caused me to wrestle with His truth and His grace. I heard a wise man recently say, "Grace is power released through humility." I never thought of grace as something that was difficult to accept; on the contrary, I have always desired to walk in God's grace...much better than judgement, as far as I'm concerned. In order to receive this precious grace, I've been on a journey of relinquishing my control and pride in a truly humbling experience.
So often, I set lofty expectations for myself, that no one can humanly fulfill, and am completely let down when I don't achieve my goals. In a sweet moment, God reminded me that he expects nothing from me, except to love him. I have always wanted more- from life, from God, from my relationships- and I am slowly realizing that if I want a rich life, I have to lay down all of my expectations and receive grace. I know full well that I am not all that I was intended to be, but I am willing to make myself nothing that I might receive the grace I so desperately need.
In this season of laying aside everything that I know and am so comfortable with, I am daily finding my security in the arms of the One who asked for it all. If something radical is going to happen, a great leap has to take place. My great leap in this journey is opening myself up for all too see my blaring inadequacies, and allow Christ to be all that I am not. I know that the desires I am laying down for a season won't be left empty and unfulfilled. Faith simply requires that those things be laid down, so that God can do His work in this season. Relinquishing control is not simple for me, though! This is my daily struggle-to trust that the Creator of everything thinks enough of the dreams in my heart to fulfill them in His season. I have come to realize that great dissatisfaction comes from dreams unfulfilled. Walking in grace daily, I'm laying aside dissatisfaction, so I can be free to let God do what he wants for my life.
Throughout this journey, I'm going to be faithful to do the last thing God told me to do...write it all down and share it with whoever wants to read it. So, this is my story...follow it as I journey through grace.
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