With the start of school and the crazy schedule that it mandates, it’s been so hard to find a few moments of quiet (when I’m not exhausted!) to update our journey. So, I guess it works out that I can’t sleep, as it gives me some time to think about all of the good happening in our family lately.
With school starting back, it has made me acutely aware of how very limited I am in my self-proclaimed super power to be able to do everything. I am in the very humbling and necessary place of having to ask for help. I have to say that this year has been different in many ways thus far. When I ask, Patrick is pretty agreeable in helping out. I see him getting up to get things and taking care of things the kids need while I’m busy working on dinner. A few months ago, I would have been scrambling to try to get what my little person needed while trying desperately not to burn my sauce! My heart is overwhelmed at times. It sounds so silly to say, but I’m seeing him with new eyes. Not being so quick to judge that he isn’t going to help when I ask, or default to doing everything myself (to my own undoing and bitterness), and finding myself completely inadequate to keep all the plates spinning. I see him taking care of errands, picking up things I need when I’m super short on time. He’s usually very supportive of me getting in exercise regularly, and takes care of the kids’ needs while I do what I need to take care of myself. Unfortunately, I learned the hard lesson over the last few years that if you take care of everyone but yourself, you eventually become unable to take care of anyone. It’s been a long journey to come to this understanding, but I’m so thankful that Patrick can help me practically in finding my way back out of that season.
The last few months have been so much more than simply being physically able to help more, it has been a learning, for both of us, that often, the heart in which you do something makes so much difference to the person on the receiving end of your kindness. When his heart is to help without it feeling like a dreadful inconvenience to him, it truly speaks love to me. And the more he’s able to walk in this heart transformation, this loving in actions and attitude, the greater my appreciation and love grow daily.
I’m seeing him do things and be things to our family that I’ve prayed and asked for, for years. Galatians 6:9 says it well,
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” I love a good harvest! I know years of bitterness I had to deal with turned me into a monster toward him at times, and I’m so thankful for grace and forgiveness, from a loving Heavenly Father and from the man He made to walk with me. But, there isn’t enough to say about the good that comes in harvest. And that’s where we stand now. It’s truly a daily miracle unfolding before my eyes.
If there is something you’ve been holding on for, I encourage you to persist, to pray, and release what you think it should look like. Our God is faithful and creative. Your answer may not look exactly as you think it should, but I can promise you this: it will be far better than you could ever dream it to be.
